I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
