We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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