if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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