my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
