I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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