just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
