hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
