I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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