Already got asked if we're dating
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
