Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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