I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
