I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
