We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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