i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
