Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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