Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
