just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
