his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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