I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
