I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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