The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
