I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
