I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
