Define "chronic" masturbator.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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