I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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