Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
