in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
