I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
