at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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