Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
