$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
