the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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