i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
