i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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