You just made me feel so damn special
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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