its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
