Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
