just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
