Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
