Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
