i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
please come you make the beer taste better
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
