I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
