Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
