I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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