Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
