sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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