maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
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then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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