Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
