Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
