halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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