Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
