U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
