I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
