ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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