I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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