sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
