fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
