just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
