We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
