Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
