dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My feet surprised me
we should paint friendship bongs
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