Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
