I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
