Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
