my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
