Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
