Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
