at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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