I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
