A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
