No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
