she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
