dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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