I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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