a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.