I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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