Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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