There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
