after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
