You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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