I smell stomach acid.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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