You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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